i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
The best revenge is premature balding
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
