Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
