I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
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She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
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I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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