I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
