I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
