I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
