Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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