He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
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This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
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I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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