please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
