Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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