So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
