yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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