TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
