fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
