i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
