My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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