11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
