I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
