Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
