I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
