the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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