Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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