Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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