OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
