EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
