I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize