I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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