we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
