saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
