my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
