weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
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Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
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You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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