If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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