guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
