I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
