No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
