She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
