Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
