Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
