I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
