you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
