nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
