Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
