I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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