Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
