Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
