I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
