It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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