Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
