She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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