For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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