Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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