We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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