You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
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So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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