how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize