i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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