There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
