Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
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