Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
