dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
