just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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