I smell stomach acid.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Every concussion has its silver lining
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
