why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
we're making bets on your personal life
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
