he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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