remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
